| my last post here. |
[Jul. 24th, 2004|01:10 am] |
this is my last post here.
join . Andrew and I made it. DO IT.
Oh, and bye. I've got one more post in this journal, it's coming later. Join the community, and hey, read my new lj. ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) likeiwassaying |
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| your thoughts? |
[Jul. 20th, 2004|04:25 am] |
do you think, if someone mentions something enough, or if people that disgust you (or that love, even) repeat and drill something enough...you can stop loving it?
i used to think this was conceited, to believe things belonged to me. but i guess everyone does it.
this is the sort of post you make at 4:27, you see. i feel like people are abusing 'infinite' as a word. just like people ruining 'beautiful' in fuck_____ or cheapening 'love' as high schoolers.
oh well? |
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| the ani difranco bad boyfriend ranking system |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|03:39 pm] |
I was driving today and I came up with this, the patented Ani Difranco Bad Boyfriend Ranking System.
There is no better way to attest to how bad you are as a boyfriend than the songs that are 'dedicated' to you by mad (ex?)girlfriends. I think we need a universal ranking system so even guys that aren't Ani fans can understand what it means when someone tells them to listen to a specific song. In the fast-paced world we live in, not everyone has time to stop and listen to songs, so this way, you don't have to!
Each song has been ranked on a system of points, from 1-10 based on how much of a fucker the song intends you to be. In standards everyone can understand:
1 - You didn't say I love you
2 - You didn't say I love you and she did
3 - You didn't say she was pretty
4 - You didn't say she was pretty and you said her friend was
5 - You didn't speak to her for a week
6 - You didn't speak to her for a week and you killed her housepets
7 - You told her friend you love her
8 - You told her friend you love her while having sex with her
9 - You told two of her friends you love them while having sex with them
10 - You killed her with a steak knife
SONG LIST
YOU HAD TIME - 1
SUPERHERO - 2
SERVED FAITHFULLY - 3
OK - 4
GRAVEL - 5
SHRUG - 6
NAPOLEON - 7
AS IS - 8
LETTER TO A JOHN - 9
DILATE - 10
UTOUCHABLE FACE - 11 (special case - she will end your life after this one, so kill her first)
Another important factor is some songs she may be listening to often, though not specifically directed at you (our ancestors called this 'women's lib' and those before them called it 'fucking up') These can be ranked as well.
EX:
MAKE THEM APOLOGIZE - 8
IF HE TRIES ANYTHING - 5
THE NEXT BIG THING - 3
I hope this guide is helpful, feel free to add on other songs to better assist. Men, arm yourselves; know what she means! |
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| posted without regret |
[Jul. 17th, 2004|03:11 pm] |
i'm going to say something that's been on my mind all week, and this one's important.
i'm about to go to college. One year ago RIGHT NOW I was in Peoria looking at the school I'd go to. A month from tomorrow I'm leaving. Mere days.
No better time to clean up. Reformating my computer and it took twenty-six cds to burn all my music. 20 gigs. Cleaning out my room and getting ready to leave. Clearing my head. Clean slate.
And yet, no better time for nostalgia. I was driving home and I wanted to call someone. I take out my phone and what number comes? 366-6687. Then 461-0579. Then 861-7719.
I can leave town, but I'll never leave either one of them. Or Ashley.
Why? I don't know. I have over four years of journal crap that I sift through every few months and I find the same things every time. But this time, I found something new.
An entry from Ashley that was private to me, but I put the thing on my memories if anyone's interested. It wakes me up. That, and comments from Andrew on Ashley's journal about Morgan.
They're fucking right. There's something in me that's wrong, some spoiled gene that comes from being an only child who dated too often and too soon. I'm maladjusted and it's showed too many times. I need purging. I need retribution, I need some holy ghost or spirit or something to scrape the barrel of whatever the hell has made me this.
Not to say I'm unhappy with who I am. But if we're the sum of our choices...then I look a lot worse than I feel. And that's not right.
I had lofty goals for high school, and I'm happy with the outcome. I'm just not happy with some of the pain I caused to get it. I've said this a lot, but I've always thought there was some epiphany. Some moment when I would change.
And there's not. There's just a culmination. Just this last month in Memphis. In 32 days, not a soul around me will have any idea what kind of guy I am.
Andrew once told me he honestly thought I could re-invent myself. I don't want to. I just don't want to make the same mistakes. Stephanie will never be okay with me again and I guess there's nothing I can do about that. Ashley shouldn't forgive me and she shouldn't return my call. Jessica knows better than to see me. I can't look Bette in the eye. Lauren still boils my blood.
It's not always my fault, but I've dealt damage I shouldn't just as I've taken it. There's been too much bad blood and too much serious hurt that I never intended. Too much drama, too much fear.
I'm not saying I'm different now, because I'm not. I'm clearing my head, that's all. I'm not asking forgiveness, and I'm not being meek. This is different than it's ever been only in that I understand it all now. I see what I've done wrong and I'm not scum. I've made some damn bad choices in my life, but everyone I know has.
We are all the same. I've blocked from my mind that Stephanie and I founded our relationship on cheating... twice! That doesn't forgive me, not by a damn sight, but it shows me that I cannot afford to make these mistakes again. I never cheated on Ashley, but I may as well have. That one I just can't believe happened.
I'm dancing here. All that I'm saying is that I've been a shithead, but so has everyone else. Sometimes I'm worse, sometimes they're worse. I'm not saying it all stops here, because it never does.
Ever seen a grumpy old man? We never stop being fuckheads. I'm just saying that I'm sorry for previous cockfuckery.
You know who you are.
This is an unruly message, but one more thing. I'm throwing a party in august at the farm. Not sure on the day or specifics yet, but it's the one I've been promising. I'm extending an invite to everyone I've known in high school. Everyone. It doesn't matter what terms we're on, for one night, my last night, let's not be dramatic. Let's sit down with some gamecube, some pool, some poker, some four-wheelers, and a huge wal-mart run, and just enjoy one last night of life in memphis, because I love you all too much to leave on the dumb fights I've been having. Who's in? |
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| work. |
[Jul. 17th, 2004|12:06 pm] |
work went from 5:30-8 to 12-8 in a phone call!
that's why backyard burgers gets a SPECIAL ring now. The evil one. |
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| update |
[Jul. 15th, 2004|03:03 pm] |
3:03 PM - Phonecall from Megan McFadden: "You wouldn't happen to have Jon's number?"
"Of course. Why?"
"He has....something....SOMETHING.... of mine... I... need to get ahold of him."
Creepy. |
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| phone calls |
[Jul. 14th, 2004|02:16 am] |
today I got two calls:
1. jessica gibbons
2. tessa weghorst
what the fuck?
nostalgia. woo.
(still depressed) |
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| survey. |
[Jul. 13th, 2004|02:58 am] |
i haven't done one of these in a while... read if you like.
+||SECTION ONE: About ME
1. Name: Alex
2. Nicknames: alecks, alec ander, assorted slurs
3. Feet size: 10
4. Do you have a crush: always
5. Girlfriend/Boyfriend? yeah
6. Age you act: depends who you ask
7. Where Do You Live: collierville
8. Where you want to live: i would have told you italy until recently. here's fine.
9. Birthplace: memphis
10. Favorite Salad Dressing: none
11. Ever gone skinny dipping? sortof
12. What are you watching? terrible anime on cartoon network
13. Last person you talked to: andrew kay, and leigh's answering machine
14. Favorite movie: probably fight club, or eternal sunshine
15. Favorite Book: slaughterhouse five or microserfs
16. Favorite Type of music: avant-garde crap like dplan and cake
17. Favorite types of cars: i was a sucker for brad's camaro
18. Favorite Saying: anything from aqua teen. currently: "Ooooh... BURN"
19. Favorite Fast Food: back yard burger (ironic)
20. Favorite Ice Cream: strawberry
21. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: vodka tonic
22. When Do You Go To Sleep: six am
23. Most Embarrassing Moment: forgetting my lines as pyramus in front of the shakespeare festival, fumbling my way through it as a joke, and then thinking I was going to have to duel mrs. parker
24. Stupidest Person you know: probably someone I work with
25. Funniest Person you know: kenton
26. Favorite holiday: hmm...maybe halloween.
27. Favorite Food: steak, a-1, and pickles.
28. Favorite Song: postal service - brand new colony, today. usually gyroscope.
29. Favorite Television Show: aqua teen/family guy/sealab
30. Favorite Radio Station: gamingfm geek internet radio
31. Favorite junk food: chex mix
32. Favorite sappy love song: thats tough. probably elton john's your song.
33. Favorite Drink: rasberry sweet tea
34. Favorite article of clothing: khakis
35. Favorite Animal: eh. humans. cop-out.
+||SECTION TWO: The Future
1.School: Bradley
2. Where You Want To Live: illinois.
3. How Many Kids You Want: heh. any.
4. What Kind Of Job You Want: teacher
5. Wedding song: the luckiest
6. 5 years from now? grad school
7. 10 years from now? alive, that's a challenge enough
+||SECTION THREE: Have You Ever..
1. Done Drugs: only once.
2. Run Away From Home: yeah. for a year or so i did every few weeks, but it was always half-hearted.
3. Hit A Girl: of course. never deservedly.
4. Lied: yeah
5. Stolen Anything: not that I can remember
6. Broken A Bone: nope
7. Cheated On A Test: yeah
8. Cheated On A girlfriend/boyfriend: that is the lowest of all lows <--- I'll leave daniel's answer, agree with him, and say yes.
9. Gotten Drunk: yes
10. Been With Two guys/girls At Once: only once.
11. Been In The Hospital: yes. my dad has been a few times
12. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: yes
13. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: ah yes
14. Gone to Church: yes
15. Never slept during a night: yes, many times
16. Ever been on a motorcycleor motorbike: nope
17. Been to a camp: summer camp, yes
18. Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering: almost every american cafe visit
19. Seen someone die: no
20. Gone a week w/out shaving: yeah, I rarely need to
21. Didn't wash your hair for a week: probably some summer
22. Broken something valuable: yes. often.
23. Thought you were in love: yes
24. Streaked the streets: (oh lord) yes, once, i did.
25. Screamed at someone for no reason: alllllll the time
26. Said I love you and meant it: yes. not much, but yes.
27. Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved: yes.
28. Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: OFTEN
29. Pulled a prank? probably
30. Made fun of someone? as a matter of course
+||SECTION FOUR:Which Is Better..
1. Coke Or Pepsi: pepsi
2. Cats Or Dogs: dogs
3. DVDs or VHS: dvd
4. Deaf Or Blind: deaf
5. Pools Or Hot Tubs: hot tubs
6. Television Or Radio: tv
7. CDs Or MP3's: mp3s
8. Apples or oranges: apples
9. Strawberries or Blueberries: strawberries
10. Gold or silver: gold
11. Vanilla or chocolate: vanilla
12. Movies or music: music
13. Park or Beach? park
14. Hot or Cold weather? cold
15. Sunset or Sunrise? sunrise
+||SECTION FIVE:When is the Last Time You..
1. Took a shower: last night
2. Cried: watching terminal
3. Watched a Disney movie: hmm. no idea, actually.
4. Given/gotten a hug: kenton when i left his house
5. Been to the movies: with leighdoug at martin
6. danced: no idea
7. did a survey like this: since drunk2004 at adam's
+||SECTION SIX:What is..
1. Your Fondest Memory Of This year: maybe prom. maybe. but probably not, if I thought.
2. Your Most Prized possession: my computer, duh/
4. Favorite Food For Breakfast: cereal
5. Your Favorite Food For Dinner: spaghettios and pepsi
6. Your Favorite Slow Song: maybe the luckiest
7. Your Ideal BF/GF?: a geek who appreciates all that comes in life, and someone who needs to be alone and needs to be with me in moderation. mostly, just someone who is. i think if you ask for something; you'll never find what you wanted.
+||SECTION SEVEN:What do i feel about...
1. Bill Clinton: a great man
2. Love at First Sight: no. but you can develop a love with someone you liked at first sight
3. Abortion: i will defend nothing on earth with more fervor than abortion.
4. Smoking: disagree
5. Death: itll be the best day of my life <--- i love daniel's answer
7. Rap: hilarious.
8. Marilyn Manson: i think of only becky.
9. Premarital sex: excited at the concept, perhaps let down by the reality.
10. Suicide: an easy way out. but not really what it's built as.
+||INFORMATION
1. full birth name: Alexander Paul Russell
2. hair color: dark brown to black
3. eye color: hazel
4. current height: 5'9
5. glasses/contacts: no
6. birthdate: october 5th 1985
7. ethnicity: american
8. religion: moderate christian
9. current age: 18
10. siblings: scott russell
11. siblings ages: 35
12. location: memphis
13. college plans: bradley in peoria
+||SOCIAL
1. best guy friend: brent, kenton, jon, doug
2. best girl friend: morgan, bode, leigh
3. current crush: haha
4. boyfriend/girlfriend: morgan
5. are u center of attention or wallflower: depends where I am
6. what type automobile do u drive: 99 chrysler sebring
7. are u timely or always late: on time or absurdly late
8. do u have a job: yes, backyard burger sandwich maker extrodinare
9. do u like being around people: yes, or i try to kill myself with electronics
+||LOVE
1. have u ever loved someone u had no chance with? of course
2. have u ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did? yes
3. do u have a "type" of person u always go after: emotional people ><
4. want someone u don't have right now?
5. ever liked a close guy/girlfriend? *laugh*
6. are u lonely right now? right now, at 4:11 am, I'm extremely lonely.
7. ever afraid u'll never get married? pretty sure of it
8. do u want to get married? yes
9. do u want kids? moot point
10. would you rather love or be loved? be loved.
+||FAVORITES
1. room in house: living room / kitchen
2. type of music: see above
3. location for dates: anywhere
4. memory: with everyone it's different.
5. day of the week: saturday
6. color: green
7. perfume or cologne: </i> mehares
8. flower: roses, just the stem *chuckle*
9. month: octoboer
10. season: fall
+||In the last 48 hours have you..
1. cried: no
2. bought something: not yet
3. gotten sick: no
4. sang: yes
5. said i love you: no
6. wanted to tell someone u loved them but didn't: nope
7. met someone new: mmm nope
8. moved on: no
9. talked to someone: few people
10. had a serious talk: sortof, with afk
11. missed someone: yes, jgibb.
12. hugged someone: yes, kenton
13. kissed someone: no
14. fought with your parents: not really
15. dreamed about someone u can't be with: yes
16. had a lot of sleep: YES!
17. wanted this survey to be over: not really.
so do it? |
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| life IS a copy of a copy of a copy |
[Jul. 5th, 2004|10:48 pm] |
edward norton and chuck p were right.
i feel like i work every day and i don't get paid. it's not really that much but it feels like it is. lack of sleep has caught up with me but i miss everyone and yet it feels like i'm swamped.
i never see anyone anymore and yet, again, i'm getting more anti-social. there are only three people i speak to anymore...it's getting worse.
i don't know how i feel about it.
i don't know much today.
nostalgia, by way of kenton:
"I am leading a life of restriction,
And I have measured it moment by moment,
Measuring my life in cans of Red Bull.
Expecting what I do not know." |
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| a lesson |
[Jul. 2nd, 2004|12:33 am] |
'you're' = you are. As in. YOU ARE STUPID.
'your' = posessive. As in. THAT IS YOUR BRAIN.
These two are radically different and learning to use them can be both educational, and fun!
'too' = also. As in. YOU MAKE MY HEAD HURT, TOO. (Variant- MY HEAD HURTS TOO MUCH TO LISTEN TO YOU)
'to' = directional. As in. GO TO HELL AND DIE.
'two' = numerical. As in. TWO PEOPLE NEED TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH STICKS.
Combining these two combinations properly can be the secret to winning that boy in your homeroom's heart!
NEXT WEEK: COMMAS AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM. |
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| ap scores |
[Jul. 1st, 2004|01:27 am] |
who got a 5 on ap english?
mememememememememememe
and a 4 on ap gov, so hey! woo.
happy birthday bode |
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| east tennessee |
[Jun. 27th, 2004|11:31 pm] |
today me kenton and bode went to UT martin to see doug and leigh and we all saw the terminal. it was excellent and i miss them.
it is also morgan's birthday and i love her. (i love you) i just handled everything really badly because i'm tired and hysterical. i've lost my mind. i'm gonna call someone and hope i can calm down, but maybe more later.
i've honestly lost my mind. |
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| This disgusts me. |
[Jun. 25th, 2004|10:01 pm] |
LOOK AT THIS
Go to it. It's Bush's main page, and watch the video on the front page. It compares John Kerry to Adolf Hitler. Someone make sense of this; i'm too damn mad.
crossposted |
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| retrospect |
[Jun. 22nd, 2004|03:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | S&G - Punky's Dilemma | ] |
last night i saw kenton and morgan rock out with the rockout. it was actually pretty fun, but neil's sortof sucks. especially when you're poor and 18.
life's pretty alright nowadays, but I think today's revelation about yesterday is that last night I saw tessa, alex ingalls, and zac powers, david and nathan and everyone, and it was just the knowledge that if I go to a goofy party at bradley, I won't know people. memphis is a small world, and people repeat and you feel comfortable.
i can't imagine opening a new world.
if bailey doesn't call me in the next few days, I'm just gonna give in on the perks. it always did feel like a pipe-dream.
finished payphone, which is somewhat of a joy. i want to film it, but I don't know who I want to play the parts yet. I'm placing it in the capable hands of one austin duck, so we'll see what comes. come what may, eh?
i play too much final fantasy these days and listen to too much simon and garfunkel.
life's insane.
---
EDIT:
Also, I just looked back in the past, and saw that I promised the world a farm party that just plain never happened. No promises, but I have no trips or busy schedule at all for a long time now aside from work. So, soon.
And there's a lot more to say but I can't be candid here. |
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| today happened |
[Jun. 18th, 2004|10:25 pm] |
today i hung with kenton and alex, it was good. austin came by, it was also good. i talked to danny for a while; hell, he's just a really, really great guy.
but on my mind is my dad, who, in passing said this today when he saw a clip of paul johnson (the murdered POW):
"that's an unjust war, why the shit are those guys coming home heroes?"
my dad's a vietnam veteran who votes for bush. chew on that; what do you make of it? |
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| 2 weeks later |
[Jun. 16th, 2004|11:03 am] |
I'M FUCKING HOME
writeup comes tonight.
You people left 265 entries while I was gone. That means in a week, I read 150 livejournal entries, on average.
Life is good. You'll hear it all in gruesome detail, I assure you. |
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| as of now.. |
[Jun. 4th, 2004|02:03 am] |
with this post, i'm leaving the whole damn internet for two weeks.
see you when i see you, depending on who you are.
i wrote down five phone numbers, and you five will get phone calls. feel special.
everyone leave me messages. i've always said that, but i want like 100 messages to wade through when i get back: 901-488-0095
see you mid june |
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| leaving for italy |
[Jun. 3rd, 2004|12:56 pm] |
tomorrow morning i'm going to italy for two weeks with one of my favorite teachers and a few of my favorite people. i love italy like nothing else, it's beautiful.
i've always wondered why americans think other countries are so beautiful, because it seems insane to me that other systems of geography or art can possibly captivate someone. i wonder if the reverse is true; if an italian ever saves his hard earned euros to come to some 'beautiful spot' in america.
i'm sure it happens, but romantically, lets assume they all stay in Milan and sip red wine in the piazza...
for some reason, my mind isn't on that trip. I'm extremely excited, but it's crazy around my mind right now.
i've started listening to my old gin blossoms, and I've found a thousand pieces of inspiration for my damn movie. i think it's actually going to be worth writing this time.
i have five hours of work today that seems looming. i wouldn't mind it, except that i want to write and see the few people i won't see for weeks.
i feel absurd, making a livejournal post about so much nothing, but it's because you can't ever speak your mind honestly here. you eventually take into consideration the people that read it. and that colors it in one direction.
so maybe i've said too much lately. i've seen kenton a lot more than i ever have, and i've actually learned to be friends with people i don't fully understand, like bode and leigh. i hope italy can bring together some old friendships, though, because i feel strung out.
there's something here i'm missing entirely. something important, because i feel weird listening to new miserable experience. i think it's one of the best CDs I've ever heard, and it reminds me of the time we listened to it out on austin's front porch.
it was the first time i'd seen pot. austin lit up his pipe so nonshalantly and we ate pistachios. i tried to act cool about it all but i was entirely a child. i still am, around most things. i blame my seratonin or my aching head or whatever i want at that juncture....but i'm always just a child.
times like that were inspiring. i thought i wrote songs then. now i think i write books. maybe in four more years i'll outgrow this. you tell me.
because i don't know; i waver. i need more encouragement than someone with a shitload of talent, like jon or elyse needs. they write because they were born to. they couldn't turn it off if they wanted to.
so, i'm sorry if this is boring, or if you don't like my life? but thanks for reading all this whenever i get like this. it's just nostalgia, it never hurt anyone. thanks.
see you stateside |
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